There’s a question that floats around in many of our minds (even if we don’t say it out loud): “Do I really deserve this?”
The topic of deservingness is one of those mental traps that can quietly sabotage our goals, relationships, and dreams. Because no matter how hard you work or what you achieve—if deep down you don’t believe you deserve it, a part of you will find a way to ruin it.
So, what is “deserving,” really?
It’s not a reward. It’s not something you earn. Deserving is a belief—an internal sense that we’re allowed to receive love, wellbeing, success, pleasure, or rest simply because we exist. It’s not arrogance. It’s dignity.
Because often we learnt the opposite:
- That everything must be earned through sweat, struggle, and a little suffering.
- That rest is for the lazy.
- That good things only come after total exhaustion.
- That if something comes easily, it must be suspicious.
And that sticks with you. Especially if you grew up surrounded by narratives of scarcity, guilt, or martyrdom as badges of honor. So when something good does come your way, your brain kicks in with doubts: Am I being dishonest? Is this too much for me? What if someone takes it away from me?
What's the toll we pay?
- We self-sabotage: saying yes to jobs, relationships, or situations that drain us.
- We struggle to set boundaries: because we think we haven’t done enough to “deserve” better.
- We postpone important decisions: as if we have to "fix ourselves" before we can move on.
- We overwork and overcompensate: as if we constantly need to prove our right to exist.
So how do we build a sense of deserving?
First, by understanding that you don’t need to do anything extraordinary to deserve good things. You already do. Period.
Then, through practice. Here are a few ideas:
🔸 Pay attention to your inner voice:Is it kind or constantly pushing you? Do you allow yourself to enjoy things?
🔸 Make space for guilt-free pleasure: a quiet coffee, a nap, a nourishing chat. Not as a reward—just because you can.
🔸 Learn to receive without overexplaining:a compliment, a helping hand, a new opportunity. Just say “thank you.”
🔸 Surround yourself with people who don’t make you feel like you have to prove your worth every five minutes. You’re already worthy—no résumé required.
My story with deserving
For years, whenever I was rejected from a job or failed an exam (even after studying like crazy), I punished myself. Not literally—but I’d set rules: no going out, no seeing friends, no watching the movie I was excited about. Instead, I’d force myself to apply for more jobs or study even harder.
That cycle wasn’t just exhausting—it was cruel. And it revealed something deeper: how little I cared for myself during those moments..
Today, I do the opposite. When things don’t go as planned, I reward myself. Not in a “yay, failure!” kind of way, but with self-compassion. I think: “You did your best. You showed up. It didn’t work out. But you still deserve something kind, something good to lift you up and help you keep going.” And you know what? It works. It helps me move forward without abandoning myself in the process.
Deserving isn’t magic or instant. But it changes everything. Because once you know you’re deserving, you stop accepting crumbs—from others or from yourself.
And that, trust me, it is liberating!
Do you relate? Do you find it hard to feel like you deserve good things? Let's talk!
👉 Book a session or send me a message. Sometimes, all you need is someone to remind you: you already deserve it..
